{"id":793,"date":"2017-10-30T11:43:55","date_gmt":"2017-10-30T15:43:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=793"},"modified":"2026-06-18T13:36:53","modified_gmt":"2026-06-18T17:36:53","slug":"vampire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/?p=793","title":{"rendered":"VAMPIRE"},"content":{"rendered":"

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: Prepare to die, mere mortal, as on this All Hollow\u2019s Eve, I will drink thy blood and live forever.<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Lord, help me please- wait, Dylan, is that you?<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: What up, Cam? I heard you got a new job at a different firm here in New York. How\u2019s it going?<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Dylan, please tell me this isn\u2019t about Sarah.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: Wait, what? What did you do with Sarah?<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Are you serious? This isn\u2019t about me now seeing Sarah?<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: You are fucking my wife? Oh, now I\u2019m definitely drinking your blood. No, I was not here because of Sarah.<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Dammit, you know about Dani then.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: Satan Almighty, Dani literally just turned 18 like last week.<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: I know, I know, but that somehow turned me on. I might have a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: No, really? In the name of Nosferatu, you are mine for dinner.<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: So I\u2019m guessing you know about your son James too then.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: The hell? He\u2019s only in middle school, you sicko!<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: No, no, no. I just bit him, so he\u2019s now turned.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: Wait\u2026 you\u2019re telling me you made him into a werewolf? Now my son is a disgusting half-bred mutt who will smell of carpet and eat super rare steaks!<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Come on, don\u2019t be racist now.<\/span><\/p>\n

VAMPIRE<\/strong>: I was originally just going to take at most half a pint from you and later go to the bar to catch up with you, but now, I learned that you ruined my entire family.<\/span><\/p>\n

CAMERON<\/strong>: Please, let me talk to my mummy before I die.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happy Halloween, y\u2019all.<\/strong><\/em><\/h1>\n

\u2014Wilbert Ren \u201920<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":794,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[22,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-793","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-content","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/793","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=793"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/793\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1782,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/793\/revisions\/1782"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=793"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=793"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=793"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}