{"id":1093,"date":"2018-12-14T01:28:10","date_gmt":"2018-12-14T06:28:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1093"},"modified":"2026-06-18T13:36:19","modified_gmt":"2026-06-18T17:36:19","slug":"no-winter-maintenance-signs-taught-love-body","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1093","title":{"rendered":"How \u201cNo Winter Maintenance\u201d Signs Taught Me To Love My Body"},"content":{"rendered":"

Learning to embrace body confidence hasn\u2019t been a straightforward path for me. <\/span>There\u2019s too much fat here, too little muscle there.<\/span><\/i> I\u2019ve tried all of the traditional methods: restricting my diet, exercising regularly, and even shaking my SENSA. Nothing seemed to help, until I stuffed a \u201cWarning: No Winter Maintenance\u201d sign up my very own snatch.<\/span><\/p>\n

The inspiration struck me as I was walking up Libe Slope to my lin alg final. Winded and sweating through my jacket, I felt unattractive and out of shape. No matter how hard I worked out, the Slope had its way of showing me just how inept my body was. That\u2019s when the sign caught my eye. Planted firmly in the ground, she looked strong, tall, confident. \u201cNo Winter Maintenance,\u201d she called out proudly to the world. \u201cAccept me as I am,\u201d she demanded.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I did accept the sign, accept her as she was. She didn\u2019t need to be salted or plowed. She didn\u2019t care if her walkways posed a hazard. She was everything I wanted to become and she expressed everything that I strove to feel. So I did what anyone would do. I stole the sign. And when I got back to my dorm room, I stuck her into my cooter. The insertion process wasn\u2019t easy. It took some work to really get her there. But the change was nearly instantaneous.<\/span><\/p>\n

I felt a tingling sensation far stronger than that of any UTI I\u2019ve had before. I turned to face the mirror. I looked the same, but I didn\u2019t feel the same. Suddenly my body hair and fat looked like it was\u2026 meant to be there. My frizzy untamed hair was no longer an embarrassment but a statement. My calluses and dry skin were no longer the product of neglect. They just were. As I just am.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unmaintained.<\/span><\/p>\n

I expect you\u2019re skeptical. That\u2019s okay. I was pretty dubious myself. But when I asked my roommate to test out the sign, she confirmed everything that I had been feeling. It even took some pleading for me to get the sign back from her. My boyfriend also approved of the change, commenting, \u201cI love me a no maintenance girl!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Whether or not you believe me, I urge you to give this technique a chance! The benefits I\u2019ve reaped since stuffing the signature campus signage up in my cave of wonders have been truly tremendous. I\u2019m a happier, more confident version of myself. I\u2019m not shy about showing off my body anymore. The next time you see the friendly letters, \u201cNo Winter Maintenance,\u201d give into your adventurous side. You never know what could happen. Your vag may just thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2014A.W. \u201920<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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